Sunday 23rd August - Sunny with Cloud

Woke early feeling a bit hungover and made my way to the City Vision discussion meeting which was quite enjoyable considering how I felt. Went straight from there to Cs and then met with her friend and had a picnic on the forest which was nice ... had a stroll into town afterwards before having a quiet evening

Saturday 22nd August - Sunny Day

Spent the morning in bed, watching the 'embattled buddhists' dvd .. it's one of my personal favourites. Did a little work in the morning and then spent the afternoon at the cricket in the sunshine before meeting L for a drink and a bite to eat. From there we went into town and met E. and had more drinks and I'm afraid I had at least one too many .. but an enjoyable evening

Friday 21st August - Sunny

Another frustrating day .. I really don't know what is going on with me at the moment ! Had a phone conversation with P. In it he suggested that I might take a part time job to get me out of the house more and I think he's right. Have made a determination to find the right part time job for me starting in October.

Thursday August 20th - Rain, Sun and Wind

Another early waking day but more refreshed than yesterday thankfully. Made a real effort to focus on my work more today - a real struggle but I managed to make some good progress on a couple of things. Rewarded myself with some more late afternoon cricket - very poor game though.

In a more positive frame of mind today

Wednesday 19th August 2009 - Clear blue skies .. very hot !

Despite the sunny hot weather, I managed to avoid going outside for most of the day. Once again though, much of this time was spent 'slacking' - much as I don't like using the word, on days like these I almost 'hate' myself for being unable or unwilling to motivate ! Have redetermined to put my determinations into action, instead of simply just 'making' them !

Went to the cricket for the last hours of play, mainly to get some sunshine as it was a tedious game. A new start tomorrow !

Tuesday August 18th 2009 - Sunny day

Another semi-wasted day of work. I seem to currently be putting off everything including ringing the Tax Office to tell them I can't pay them! This should really be motivating me to work harder but it isn't; maybe things have to hit the bottom before I pick things up !

My Buddhist practise still strong though and I have nearly finished typing up my course notes. Should have gone to a discussion meeting in the evening but my lift pulled out too late for me to re-arrange getting there. I have to confess to a little relief, though a meeting is probably exactly what I needed !

Monday August 17th 2009 - Grey Day

The skies reflect my mood somewhat today. I'm sure it is a form of Sansho Shima that everything I heard on the course inspired me and has definitely strengthened my morning Buddhist practise - still need to worker harder on my evening one though.

I also need to work more and harder to get my finances in some sort of order. Despite knowing this, however, I find it almost impossible to motivate myself - must snap out of this.

Sunday August 16th 2009 - Pleasant Sunny Day

It's the day after the Regional men's Buddhist course at Taplow, and I've decided to re-start my blog. After several attempts, I have finally managed to buy a copy of 'Daisaku Ikeda - A Youthful Diary' which has inspired me to restart this as an online diary. I shall probably call it 'Charlies not so youthful diary'!.

What especially impressed me in teh book, is Ikeda's honesty about how he felt on a daily basis, including times when he idled a day away or missed a Buddhist meeting to go to a movie. This is something I can identify with and I fell shows his humanity and teh fact that we are all human with all the potential failings that entails. He never lets site of the battle being to defeat our negative tendencies and to win and reveal our Buddhahood. He also records the weather for the day, so in a 'copycat' style, so will I.

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Had hoped to catch up on some sleep today after the early start to the course at Taplow, but it was not to be. One main side effect of teh Blood Pressure medication I am on is early waking - something I will probably now have to adapt to.

Have been in a bit of a blue funk the last few days for some unknown reason and must try to pull myself out of it. Not a very productive day today but that's ok as yesterday was at Taplow and there was much to take in and process from the day and I will be typing up my notes on that in the next few days.